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Mountie Tom
RCMP Staff Sergeant Tom Roy's "Police Beat" has been entertaining and informing Fort Nelson News subscribers for several years. Combining a dry wit with factual reporting, Mountie Tom chronicles the misdemeanors of "boneheads," "dotterels," and other miscreants residing in this small northern British Columbia town.
Following are excerpts from Mountie Tom's column, courtesy of the Fort Nelson News and Sergeant Tom Roy.
April 11, 2007--Over the last week, Fort Nelson RCMP responded to 114 calls for service encompassing the usual fare of drunks, impaired drivers, assaults and disturbances. No less than 16 people missed a visit from the Easter Bunny, having spent part or all of their Easter weekend in jail.
There was a time when bootleggers and rum runners were seen as folk heroes for keeping that most original of social lubricants flowing across the border to keep the Gin Mills and Speakeasies flush with happy well-paying customers. Well, 75 or so years later, local bootleggers are still plying their trade and the law is still chasing them all over the countryside, and with a little luck, occasionally catching the odd one. Kind of like this past Friday night around 7:15 p.m., when our favourite bootlegger from Prophet River, in his continuing efforts to profit from and quench the thirst of his customers, met a couple of Mounties along Highway 97. After a brief exchange of roadside pleasantries, our two astute Mounties relieved the 56-year-old Prophet River man of 17 mickies of vodka, 10 other assorted bottles of liquor and 30 cans of beer. Police also relieved the driver of his 2007 Fort Ranger Pickup truck.
March 7, 2007--Usually when police respond to a complaint involving an "exotic dancer", they expect to be dealing with a bunch of well-oiled virile young men who often forget the golden rule when watching the imported exotic entertainment: Look but don't touch.
However, last Tuesday night around 11:50 p.m., it became a case of the exact opposite when the well-oiled, well bosomed young lady--who was supposed to be providing arm's length entertainment--got a little too close and friendly with her male admirers, which caused a bit of a ruckus. When the 39-year-old woman from Alberta, who should not have been drinking prior to taking the stage, was advised by the cabaret staff that her services were no longer required, she apparently took exception to this. She became rather irritable, requiring the police to attend and remove her for the remainder of the evening to a place where there was, unfortunately, no audience to enjoy her talents.
Don't leave your vehicle running outside, even in this cold weather, unless you want to find it gone a few minutes later. This is exactly what a Fort Nelson woman discovered Sunday morning around 12:05 a.m. when she went outside to warm up her truck after finishing work at a local convenience store. However, when it came time for the drive home, there was no truck to drive home. Somebody instead drove the truck down to the bed and breakfast along Highway 97 south of Prophet River, where police located it Monday afternoon after the thief abandoned it and fled on foot down the highway towards the village of Prophet River.
February 14, 2007--Wear your seatbelt and save $138 is good advice for everyone, not just the 31-year-old Fort Nelson man who was observed scrambling to hold his seatbelt in place with his hand in an effort to fool the police officer watching him drive by. That was the driver's first mistake. Second was driving without a driver's license and driving while prohibited. The result is one red Chevrolet Corsica off to the impound lot for a while. So not only could wearing your seatbelt save your life, it could also save you a whole lot of other unwanted problems as well.
In a span of less than a month, another vehicle has fallen victim to a jaywalker who failed to look both ways before crossing Highway 97. In this case, police received a report that a 1999 Freightliner tractor-trailer unit traveling southbound had collided with a moose, causing the entire unit to jackknife and slide into the ditch, resulting in excess of $20,000 damage to the vehicle. The only injuries reported because of this incident were to the moose, who unfortunately did not survive his encounter with the truck.
Hit & Run, or as police sometimes refer to it, "Chicken Run," is becoming all too common here and everywhere. Police received a report on February 8th from a 32-year old Fort Nelson man that his 2005 Dodge pickup had been damaged by a "hit and run" driver doing approximately $1,000 damage. Running into someone else's vehicle and then fleeing without taking responsibility is without a doubt one of the most irresponsible and reprehensible motor vehicle violations a person can commit. If you accidentally run into another person's vehicle, have the common decency and fortitude to report the incident to the owner or police. Don't do the "chicken run" like so many other people are doing these days.
Finally, police are looking for the dysfunctional wiener or wieners that took great pleasure in discharging the fire extinguisher inside the ATM foyer all over the ATMs at the CBC this past Saturday morning. Whoever the Einstein is, they must be quite proud of themselves: takes a real rocket scientist to do something as senseless and stupid as this.
January 31, 2007--People with way too much alcohol in their systems, and far too little common sense to behave themselves, appeared to be the main theme of the last week for police.
Last Monday morning at 1:20 a.m., police were called to a local motel, or what most credible tourist guides would describe as a one star economy accommodation for those traveling on a really tight budget. Police were responding to complaints of yelling and screaming coming from the room. Police arrived on scene to discover an intoxicated 23-year-old man and his intoxicated 18-year-old girlfriend having a bit of a disagreement that they incorrectly assumed everyone else staying in the motel wanted to sit through. Both were warned by police that if they wished to remain guests at the motel, they had better quiet down, as the alternative to a motel room was not as comfortable.
Twice in one day police were called back to the same licensed premises; the second time at around 2:15 p.m. to deal with another very well oiled patron. The woman was arrested for public intoxication and yes, a bar, pub, lounge, cabaret or licensed restaurant are public places, and contrary to popular rumour, you are not entitled to drink until you are intoxicated, believe it or not. If you choose "not" you might get to spend a night in jail, and that would be an exciting piece of news to tell your spouse and/or friends.
Saturday evening around 9 p.m. police noticed a gentleman doing the 'two-steps-forward, three-steps-sideways' shuffle along 50th North. Recognizing that this is not the way most people walk in Fort Nelson, the police officer stopped and had a chat with the man who, when asked, could not remember his address. The extremely intoxicated 42-year-old man, who, it turns out, recently emigrated from Vanderhoof, was welcomed to Fort Nelson and provided a temporary address at the RCMP detachment for the remainder of the night.
Early Sunday morning around 2 a.m., police were called twice within five minutes to one of the community's more popular drinking spots to break up fights amongst several inebriated boneheads who apparently have nothing better to do with their time than drink themselves into stupidity.
January 24, 2007--Another week, another "dial a dope" operation goes the way of the dinosaurs. Armed with a brand new "dial a dope" phone number, police thought they would give this new number a call and see if they get a bite. A Fort Nelson Detachment member of the female persuasion, using a local hotel as a backdrop, telephoned the "dial a dope" operation and placed her order for some marijuana. The unsuspecting "dial a dope" marijuana dealer advised he would be along shortly and agreed to meet her out front of the hotel.
Wanting to be sure they didn't miss each other, the diligent female member asked the unsuspected marijuana dealer, "How will I know it's you?"
Our unsuspecting marijuana dealer's response was to laugh and reply, "I'll be in a big, dark charcoal gray Dodge, lots of chrome, it's a manly ride. I'll just drive up front" And drive up front he did, marijuana in hand, right into the hands of the police who were waiting for him, ordering him to "stay where he was." However, our "dial a dope" marijuana dealer, who apparently doesn't hear too well, or take direction very well for that matter, sped off, throwing bags of marijuana out the window as he fled. Much to his chagrin, he did not get very far as two police cars that had been conveniently parked nearby for just this reason caught up to the vehicle very quickly and arrested the 20-year-old man.
With regard to that "manly ride," the Fort Nelson RCMP will be making an application for a Management Order in accordance with the Seized Property Management Act for the forfeiture of the rather expensive looking 2006 Dodge Ram pickup truck.
The 20-year-old man driving the truck will be appearing in provincial court to answer drug trafficking charges. This might be the appropriate occasion to reiterate that well-used old cliche, "crime doesn't pay," which, in this case is particularly poignant, as this very expensive "manly ride" did not belong to the 20-year-old man driving it.
Over the last week, Fort Nelson RCMP responded to 84 calls for service, down slightly from the usual average of approximately 95 to 105 calls a week for service. However, as usual, those impaired drivers who apparently don't need their driver's license anymore (or, in some cases, their jobs) have kept police busy so far this year with nine impaired driving charges and eight 24-hour suspensions to date in 2007.
January 10, 2007--Drunk drivers never cease to amaze the police: Just when you think you've seen it all, along comes another drunken clown behind the wheel worthy of mention.
Early last Wednesday morning at 7:50 a.m., as members of Fort Nelson Traffic Services were pulling out of the detachment parking lot to begin their shift, they were confronted with a strange vehicle turning into the RCMP employee parking lot.
The vehicle suddenly stopped and began backing out of the parking lot, nearly driving into a snow drift and ditch before coming to a stop on the wrong side of the road. When the police approached the vehicle, the intoxicated driver got out and staggered over to the police vehicle and told the RCMP member "that he had drank too much, shouldn't be driving and wanted to turn himself in."
Not being able to argue with logic like that, police graciously accepted the driver's unconditional surrender and escorted both he and his extremely intoxicated 18-year-old girlfriend into the detachment.
As part of the RCMP's continuing effort to remove drinking drivers from our roads and make it a little easier for those impaired drivers who wish to turn themselves in, RCMP will be designating a special parking spot in front of the detachment marked with a sign: "For impaired drivers only."
The following incident clearly demonstrates that those people who choose to use illegal drugs for their own personal pleasure are definitely not among the brightest people in society.
On January 4th at 3:25 p.m., police stopped a couple of speeding rocket scientists driving their company vehicle at Km 330 along the Alaska Highway. When the police officer walked up to the window of the vehicle to speak to the driver, he was greeted with the unmistakable bouquet of freshly smoked marijuana. The 40-year-old driver and his 43-year-old passenger were arrested for possession of a controlled substance. A subsequent search of the vehicle resulted in the seizure of 41 grams of marijuana. As a result of this little indiscretion, police impounded the vehicle. It should be safe to assume that when the company finds out about this indiscretion, these two fellows will be looking for other employment.
It goes without saying that police officers more and more frequently have to put up with some very obnoxious and miserable people while all the time trying to remain patient, pleasant and polite.
On January 5th at 3:20 p.m. police were called to remove two very intoxicated men who refused to leave a residence when they were asked to. Both men were arrested and placed in the back of separate police vehicles for transport to the detachment. The 45-year-old man, who was not very impressed with being arrested, immediately began relieving himself all over the back seat of the brand new police truck; so much for that wonderful new vehicle smell. Both men were lodged in jail, where they remained until they were sober enough to be released.
With the year 2006 in the rear view mirror, we are able to provide a glimpse at some of the final statistics for the year: 5,419 calls for service were received by Fort Nelson Detachment; 845 people spent some time in jail; 788 motor vehicle accidents were reported to police; 8 people died in motor vehicle accidents (4 were alcohol related); 111 people were injured in motor vehicle accidents; 102 persons were arrested for impaired driving; 121 persons had their driving suspended for 24 hours; 300 drugs investigations were conducted by police; 75 people were charged with drug offences; 2,788 traffic tickets were issued; 386 liquor seizures were made; 256 assaults were investigated; 18 assaults were committed on RCMP members; 127 break and enters were investigated; 236 thefts were investigated; 35 ATVs and snowmobiles were stolen; 2,270 criminal offences were investigated by police.
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